Jayson Blair

The “Perfect” Coach For Your Boy* Maggie Avedisian, Ph.D. Clinical Child Psychologist This is the first post in a series of guest contributions on coaching children by Dr. Maggie Avedisian sees adults, couples, children and adolescents as a psychologist in private practice at Ashburn Psychological Services . With doctorate and post-doctorate specializations in both clinical and developmental ps ychology, Dr. Avedisian is also the proud mom of two athletic superstars. She can be reached at (703) 723-2999 or by email . As each Fall athletic season begins and boys are recruited into (or placed onto) various school and county leagues, my voicemail and e-mail Inbox receive an inevitab le bombardment of concerns fr om pare nts about the “best coach.” Parents often have the same concern season-upon-season: “My sons’ coach is mean and I don’t think he can succeed with someone mean;” “His self-esteem is being harmed ;” and of course, “What should we do?” I rarely hear fro...

I tripped across a recent newspaper column in The New York Times that ran under the headline "When Parents Say 'I Love You,' Means 'Do as I Say.' " It made me think of three young adult clients whose parents have struggled with setting up systems of rewards and punishments that were balanced with the notion of helping their children stay safe, improve their judg ment, develop and mature, become independent and take ownership over the choices they make in their lives. The piece was one of those that just seemed destined to be brilliant in its contrainism. In reality, it ended up only being contrary. The logic of the piece went a little like this: (a) unconditional lo ve is a good thing; (b) so me parents put conditions on attention and affection; (c) ther efore, conditions and unconditional love could not co-exist; (d) therefore systems of punishments left children feeling resentful and anxious, and (e) negative reinforcement systems left children feeling...